Luna Merbruja

Living liberation

“Three Times Perfect” at Facing Race Conference (2014)

Three Times Perfect” by Luna Merbruja
November 2014

I was a few months shy of being legally sexy,
18 as it were in the hot boredom in Central California
during the transition between high school and college.

I began a new hobby –
internet cruising for sex.

I was young with the power of Google Search
to decipher the cryptic DDF
Drugs and Disease Free as it were
Married White Man

I ended up finding these white men who sought after me
because of my supposedly “Asian demeanor”
and supposedly “tight ass”
that I was unaware of.

I was

Essentially easy prey for this gay world of
that was about to devour me

and it did

Beginning with 47 year-old Craig
this white man who flew planes to
Lake Tahoe or Reno or San Diego

He called me on the phone and asked me
my age
my interests
my race
my address

I gave it all to him.

When he knocked on my front door
I opened it with fear and hope to cure this hot summer boredom

Craig was the first person to call me perfect
He held my thighs to his lips and whispered to my scars,
“You are perfection.”
Then he rolled his tongue over the most vulnerable parts of me
and I quivered
I quivered
I came
and I sent him home
and washed my uncle’s bedding
and sat in my silence

as he likes to be called
Dancer. Academic.
He was house sitting in Redwood City
where the grass is green
and the poor people are elsewhere

What was I doing in this neighborhood?

Visiting. Young. Queer.
Wanting someone to see me as anything other than male
I thought he would be The One

He was The One
well, not the first
but second person to
call me perfect

He touched my body before the shower
in midday sunlight standing in this someone’s kitchen
He said my small lumps of breasts were feminine
my brown smooth skin layered like Earth
my eyes shaped pensiveness
deep and knowing

He grabbed my ass
called me perfect

Said my thighs were
thick and hard like
My wavy big curly hair messy post coital

He held my face
but still seen as male

Not the kind of vision of perfection I wanted


not Julio
but Jewelio
this bored white Italian
whose Virgo sign made for explosive sex
with my Libra self

He said
if he could live in the heat of my pussy and dick
he would

He was so starved for a t-girl like me
he would put up with 5 days of my
xicana anger
just to crawl under my panties once more

The third time he was invited into my mermaid cove
I gave him my sweetest taste
lingerie fresh from a techie sugar daddy
I knew I had all the power of my body and sex

He kissed me gently
just like every straight man
I’ve ever had the displeasure of
my sex

He licked me from neck to stomach
stopping at my lace garter thong
where my growing erect cunt began
poking out the top

He kissed my crotch
fingers s l o w l y pulling down my panties
as my clit slapped him in the face
he ran his hands up my chest
and whispered
“You’re perfect.”

Yes, I am
I know I’m perfect
Three times perfect
brown boy fetish
tranny fetish

Three Times Perfect

The kind of perfection that
gives and nurtures you
feeds you
grows you
satisfies your cravings

All you want is three times perfection

enough to fuck
but not
enough to love

Three times perfect

If I give you perfection
what the fuck
are you gonna give me?